Grace is a hard thing for me to receive, mentally grasp and give. I go right to what's deserved, and what's fair. However the definition of grace is that it's getting what we DON'T deserve.
This summer God has been doing a number of things to help me to grasp and receive grace.
Three weeks before we drove out to Colorado, I got really sick. It started out as a cold. Then for two days I was in bed with a fever, chills, and aches. During those two days a good friend of mine called and said she was bringing dinner over.
This was a moment for me to receive a gracious gift, but my immediate reaction was that I then owed her something. I also felt guilty because she was going to give me something and I had nothing in return to give.
Day one of our time in Fort Collins, Dave crashed his mom's Highlander. For two weeks the auto body place worked on our car. During that time I asked a friend here on staff with Cru if I could borrow her car to go food shopping. I told her to leave the car seats in and my kids would use them. As the time came to head out, she said to me, "Why don't I watch your kids for you while you food shop?"
Ugh, there's that grace again! Again my reaction was that I owed her something. I felt the need to bring her back flowers or watch her kids some time. When I told her that she very firmly said, "No you don't." I didn't deserve for her to be so kind, to extend grace to me, but she did. It was hard to take.
It happened yet again. This time I was biking to class and I was running late. While only a few minutes into my journey, my chain broke. Like broke broke. Like broke in a way that it was dangling on the ground broke. I called the only person I knew with a car - Julia. Julia was already at class, but she quickly and kindly offered to pick me up and my bike, resulting in us both being late. She even said she would drop me off at a bike shop after class so I could get the chain fixed. There it was again - Grace!
When I got in the car I told her right away how God was teaching me about grace this summer and that he was using her. I told her the guilt I felt and that I owed her something. She assured me that I owed her nothing.
Isn't that such a picture of God. We come with our accomplishments, our good deeds, having had a quiet time all week with God, and expect that he will say, "Good job." I love you more this week. Then when we consistently sin, fail to love our neighbor, miss a quiet time or two, we are fearful to go to God because we expect he'll be mad at us. Or we expect that he isn't pleased with us.
Thankfully that isn't how it works! God chooses to love us everyday through grace and grace alone.
I remember in college was the first time I ever heard someone say, "There isn't anything we can do to make God love us any more or any less." That blew me away! I never knew that before. It was very freeing.
So how do you view grace? Do you try to earn God's favor by "owing" him through reading your Bible enough, or praying for others? Or do you lavishly receive God's grace that he freely bestows on you no matter what you bring to the table?
My heart is moving, changing as a result of this summer. I am slowly, and when I say slowly I mean a snails pace, understanding grace more. Thankfully God is patient with us because he knows we are slow learners!
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